


Don't Tell Me How I Feel

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama/Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 05:57:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Blair discover a new aspect of the Sentinel/Guide relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Tell Me How I Feel

We're working on what episodes we've seen (Which is only half of the second season). So, this may not be totally canon, but we'll do our best. 

Disclaimer: Well, between the two of us, we own a 13 year old dog, a surge protector, a cardboard dresser, and a 12 year old tv. You wanna sue us? You need help then. Otherwise, Sentinel and all people from Cascade belong to Pet Fly and UPN and not to us. (pout) (We wish!!) 

First time effort for this fandom, so please be gentle. If you can't be gentle, don't forget the whip and handcuffs. 

Thanks to our betareader Margie. 

## Don't Tell Me How I Feel

1/2  
By Ninjababe and Maia  
Rated PG-13 for language and implied m/m  


"I've been what?!" Jim shouted. 

"Tone it down Jim. You've been suspended while I/A does its investigation. It's normal procedure. You know that. Now go, try to relax," Simon stated. 

Jim shook his head and started to leave, but was stopped by Simon's voice. 

"I'm sorry Jim, but you're going to have to leave your badge and gun here," Simon said. 

Jim placed the requested items onto Simon's desk and gave him a stony glare. He then walked with shoulders slumped to his desk and shut his computer down. After putting on his coat, Jim walked out of the bullpen and towards the elevator. 

The doors opened before he reached them and Blair bounded out. Jim barely responded to Blair's greeting. "What's wrong, Big Guy?" Blair asked, concerned. 

Jim got onto the elevator and punched the button for the ground floor before turning to Blair. "I'm suspended." 

"For what?" Blair asked, eyes wide. 

"Because of an Internal Affairs investigation. Until they make a decision, probably even longer," Jim replied, obviously pissed. 

"I'm sorry," Blair said, pulling Jim into a hug. 

Jim pulled Blair close for a moment, taking comfort in the arms of his partner before pulling away. "Why did you do that?" 

Blair just shrugged. 

Jim looked slightly confused as the elevator stopped and the two walked out toward the truck. The pair were silent all the way home. 

After unlocking the door and entering the apartment, Jim threw his keys into the basket by the door and hung up his coat, then walked in a daze to the couch. 

Blair was getting concerned. "Are you all right? Want to talk about it?" 

"No. I'm fine. Just fine," Jim said quietly as he slumped back. 

"Come on Jim. You'll feel better if you talk about it," Blair coaxed. 

"I don't want to talk about it, Sandburg," Jim snapped. 

Blair backed off quickly. "OK, OK man." 

"Sorry, Chief, didn't mean to snarl," Jim apologized quickly, trying to erase the hurt on Blair's face. 

"Not a problem. If you want to discuss it, I'll always listen," Blair said softly, knowing his Sentinel could hear him. 

Jim stared at the ceiling for what seemed like forever then started to tell Blair the whole story. "About a week ago I overheard a couple of men bragging to each other in the bathroom at the station. I usually try to dial down my hearing in the bullpen, but their conversation grabbed my attention."   
  


* * *

"Who's it hurt, right? The drugs are gonna show up anyway, and at least this way we get a cut. Pretty soon I'll be able to buy that boat." 

"Yeah -- I've got my eye on a cabin. Shouldn't be long now. This is a sweet deal."   
  


* * *

"What!..."   
  


* * *

Jim slowly got up and walked into the bathroom to find out who was having this disturbing conversation.   
  


* * *

"Who?..."   
  


* * *

Entering the bathroom, he found two patrolmen, who left the bathroom hurriedly when he walked in.   
  


* * *

"Did you recognize..."   
  


* * *

On further investigation, Jim discovered that the two patrolmen were assigned the same area on different shifts. Both men were on the payroll of one of the city's largest drug lords.   
  


* * *

"Which one?..."   
  


* * *

Jim just couldn't prove it yet. When Internal Affairs noticed Jim poking his nose into their investigation, he was warned off. Jim found himself in the position of not being able to move fast enough for I/A's comfort, hence the suspension.   
  


* * *

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

Jim sat hunched over himself, his hands obscuring his expression. "I didn't tell you because after what happened with Tim and your reaction to his death, I didn't know how you'd cope with this situation." 

Blair's eyes widened. Timothy Plavala had been a student of his, one who had shown a great interest in anthropology and whom Blair had taken under his wing. Timothy had gotten involved with drugs during finals, thinking he needed the extra edge. Blair blamed himself for Tim's overdose, thinking the signs should have been obvious. After that, any case involving drugs sent Blair out of control, risking the case and the lives of cops undercover. 

"Look, Chief, I know I probably should have told you..." Jim broke off despondently, radiating tension. 

Blair pushed himself out of the chair he had been sprawled in. Jim, afraid Blair was mad enough to leave the conversation unfinished, didn't move. He was, therefore, a bit shocked when he felt Blair's hands move up his shoulder blades to grab his shoulders, pulling him back against the couch. 

"Man, you are *tense*!" Blair stated as he started to massage the tension from Jim's muscles. He felt Jim start to relax under his ministrations. Blair paid special attention to dissipating the knots in Jim's shoulders. 

As Jim's muscles loosened, he relaxed into the cushions, his despondency disappearing. He felt Blair's hands moving up towards his neck and could feel the heat radiating from his Guide's hands. As the muscles were gently massaged, Jim concentrated on the feel of Blair's fingers on his bare neck. He felt the zone starting but didn't care. 

Blair plied all the techniques he had learned over the years to help relax his Sentinel. He put everything he was and everything he had into his attempt to reassure Jim. He was so involved in his work, he didn't notice Jim zoning out. Without realizing it, he was going into a mini-zone of his own. 

Suddenly, Blair started, not knowing how long he had been lost in the feel of Jim under his fingers. He backed away, startled, wondering what had just happened between them. A moment later, Jim jerked forward slightly, making a puzzled sound. 

After seeing Jim jerk awake, Blair guiltily realized that the Sentinel had been zoned out. Dammit, he was the Guide, it was his job to help Jim avoid zone-outs. He should have known Jim was zoning, but he had been too involved with what was happening in his head. Something had happened while he had been lost in the feelings of Jim's neck under his fingers. He couldn't put his finger on what it was, but there was a thought nagging at the back of his mind. With time it would come to him he was sure. 

When Jim again became aware of his surroundings, he felt Blair back away from him and could hear him breathing as Blair stood there as if waiting. A moment later, Blair retreated to his bedroom, closing his door behind him. Jim turned around and looked at the closed door, realizing that he was more aware of his Guide than before.   
  


* * *

The next morning the atmosphere between the two was charged with a strange sort of electricity. Each was aware of the other's tension and puzzlement but unable (or unwilling) to do or say anything to diffuse the situation. 

Blair rushed to the university the first chance he got, using the excuse of an upcoming exam. Jim decided to work off the tension at the gym. Using the same route he always did, Jim drove on automatic. He barely noticed the van blocking the alley ahead in time. Skidding to a halt, Jim glared at the van before starting to back up. However, his path was blocked by a large sedan. 

Jim reached under the driver's seat and pulled out his backup weapon. After chambering a round, he tucked the gun in the small of his back and climbed out of his truck. 

Three men exited the sedan as four other men got out of the van. Jim tensed as he noticed at least two of the men were wearing shoulder holsters. 

One of the men from the van pulled a gun from his waistband and aimed it at Jim. "Drop the gun." 

Jim, knowing he was outgunned, slowly placed his weapon beside the front tire of the truck and moved away. "What is this about?" 

"Our boss doesn't like the way you're meddling in his affairs. We're here to deliver that message," the man with the gun explained. 

"I got the message. Thanks," Jim replied, while calculating the odds he'd get out of here with all his body parts intact. 

"I haven't finished delivering the message yet," the man stated, putting his gun away and nodding to the other six men. 

Jim managed to duck the first punch, but the second landed square on his jaw.   
  


* * *

Blair sat in his office, supposedly grading papers, but he was really thinking. He was thinking about what had happened the night before. Without making any conscious decision, he found himself halfway to his car, keys in a slightly shaking hand. 

Blair, feeling somehow compelled, drove through Cascade and stopped a block from where Jim was being attacked. Walking quickly to the alley, he peered cautiously down it and assessed the situation. Seven guys had surrounded Jim and were beating the crap out of him in front of his truck. Blair hurriedly ducked behind the truck and peeked around the back fender. Spotting the gun on the ground, Blair dove for it. Regaining his feet, gun in hand, he yelled "FREEZE!" 

The men all froze, Jim slumped in the hold of two of the assailants. "We're not done yet," the leader of the group stated. 

"Yes you are. Let him go and back away from him," Blair said, gun unwavering. "NOW!" 

The men backed away from Jim, some of them smirking through broken lips and black eyes. "Now what, kid?" 

"I want you all to get into the van and drive out of here," Blair replied, his voice ice cold. 

The men seemed to debate for a moment before backing towards the van. None of them seemed to doubt that Blair would actually fire on them. 

After the van had pulled out of the alley and down the street, Blair tucked the gun into his waistband and ran to Jim. "Jim... Hey man, can you hear me?" 

"Blair?" Jim whispered. 

"Yeah, Big Guy, it's me. Come one, let's get you home and cleaned up," Blair said, helping Jim to his feet and leading him to the truck. 

Blair got behind the wheel and headed back to the loft, checking his mirrors for signs of the van or other tails. After assuring himself that they weren't being followed, he took the shortest route home.   
  


* * *

Blair helped Jim into the armchair and ran to the kitchen to get a bowl of water and a dish towel. "OK, let's see what type of damage you got." 

He quickly but gently cleaned up the cuts on Jim's face before helping Jim remove his t-shirt. The pattern of bruises that were starting to show on Jim's ribs meant that Blair would have to be careful until Jim could use his heightened senses to see if any ribs were broken. 

The two were silent for several minutes before Jim finally spoke. "How did you know where I was?" 

Blair paused, washcloth hovering in midair. "I don't know. I just did. But right now, I need you to check to see if anything's broken." Blair took Jim's hands and placed them over his ribs. "Concentrate on touch. You should be able to tell if there are any breaks in your ribs." 

Jim cautiously ran his fingers over his ribs. But, before he could tell his Guide that nothing was broken, Blair spoke. 

"Nothing's broken," Blair stated, puzzled at the certainty he felt. 

"You're right. But how did you know?" Jim asked. 

"I just suddenly knew that nothing was broken," Blair said, still puzzled. 

"OK, Chief, calm down," Jim said, distractedly. He could feel puzzlement, and knew it wasn't his; curious, he tried to find out where it was coming from. 

Blair was startled at suddenly feeling curiosity for no reason, almost like there was another presence in his mind. 

Jim realized that he had somehow become linked to Blair, but had startled his Guide with the intrusion into his mind. He attempted to project reassurance through their link, and was startled when more feelings than he had intended seemed to be projected. When he realized what had just slipped through his defenses, he pulled away from the contact as much as possible, to watch the play of emotions on his Guide's over-expressive face. 

During Jim's exploration into the mind link, Blair had backed away, subconsciously processing that Jim was the source of the strange occurrences in his mind. The emotions that washed over Blair were not so alien that he could consciously separate them from his own emotions. As Jim retreated from the linkage, Blair stood in shock, unable to process any outside stimuli. 

"Talk to me, Chief," Jim cajoled after a minute. "You're starting to scare me." 

After a few moments with no response, Jim got up, wincing slightly, his battered body protesting the movement, and coaxed Blair onto the couch. When Blair didn't respond to him, Jim shook his shoulder, trying to elicit some reaction. After a few moments, Blair blinked, looked over at Jim, who was still shaking him, and finally responded, "OK, Jim, I'm fine." Blair shrugged out of Jim's hold and stood, picking up the dishtowel and bowl on his way to the kitchen. "You should really lie down, you need to let your body rest after that beating it took. I have papers to grade." Blair walked into his room, and closed the door behind him.   
  


* * *

A few days passed. Jim's bruises started healing, but the tension between the two men was thick. They both avoided the subject of what had happened between them, and avoided each other at the same time. 

As time passed, Jim became aware of the link between them strengthening. Even while Blair spent his days at the University, Jim could sense his Guide's emotions. 

Jim was fed up with the tension between himself and Blair. He had decided to attempt to break the stalemate, by cooking dinner for his roommate. 

He was pulling the lasagna from the oven to cool. Not paying attention to what he was doing, he hit his hand on the heating element of the oven. Shouting in pain, he dropped the lasagna back onto the rack, splattering himself with tomato sauce and hot cheese. He rushed to the sink to chill the burn.   
  


* * *

Blair was sitting in his office writing an exam, when he suddenly heard Jim's exclamation of pain. \\\Dial it down, Big Guy\\\ Blair spoke instinctively through the link joining the two. 

A moment later, Blair paused in his writing, and wondered what had just happened. He picked up the phone and called Jim. "Are you all right?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine Chief, but I think we need to have a talk." 

"I'll be home as soon as I lock up here."   
  


* * *

Blair walked into the apartment, to find dinner waiting on the table. Jim was pouring the wine as Blair sat down. Blair noticed that Jim had a bandage on his hand. 

As Jim sat down to dinner, Blair asked, "So what happened today, Jim?" 

"I burned my hand getting the lasagna out of the oven," Jim replied, shoveling a forkful of salad into his mouth. 

"That's not what I meant, Big Guy," was Blair's tart rejoinder. 

"What do you think happened?" Jim asked. 

"I'm not sure I want to believe what happened," Blair stated quietly. 

"Why not? This isn't the first time," Jim replied nervously. 

"What do you mean this isn't the first time?" Blair asked, a bit distressed. 

"If I remember correctly, this is the third time it happened," Jim stated. 

"The third time?" 

"The night I got suspended, when you were giving me the massage... I zoned on your feel. You zoned on me too. I think that's when the connection was first made." 

"The second?" 

"The morning I was assaulted, you knew exactly where I was. When you had me check for broken ribs, you knew what I had found before I said it. That's when I started to realize what was happening. I scared you when I started exploring the limits of the link." 

Blair stared at Jim, starting to remember. "I don't know how I knew that nothing was broken. I was scared that I had been so certain and didn't know how that could be." 

"You knew what I knew. Somehow you must have subconsciously tapped into my senses. I tried to reassure you but I think I scared you more. You managed to lock me out with your retreat." 

"So what does this mean?" Blair asked. "And why are you suddenly feeling guilty?" 

"I didn't have much control over my emotions that morning. You got more than I had intended." 

Blair started concentrating on the link between them, trying to discover what exactly Jim was worried about. Jim felt the intrusion and didn't want to interfere in Blair's exploration until he felt Blair finding things Jim wanted to remain hidden. 

Blair's eyes widened in shock as he realized what Jim was hiding. Before either man could say anything, they were startled by a knock on the door. Blair got up and answered the door automatically. "Simon! What are you doing here?" 

"I need to talk to Jim. Is he here?" Simon asked as he entered the apartment. 

"Umm, yah, he's at the table," Blair replied, closing the door behind Simon. Jim looked up as Simon walked past Blair. 

"What's going on Simon?" Jim inquired. 

"What the hell happened to your face? Did you piss Sandburg off one too many times?" Simon asked, shocked at the mass of healing bruises on his detective's face. 

"Very funny, Simon," Blair retorted, half-heartedly. "I've got papers to grade, I'll leave you two to discuss business." 

Simon watched Blair, shocked, as the younger man walked into his bedroom and closed the door. "What's with Sandburg?" 

"It's kind of personal, Simon. What brings you by?" 

"I thought I'd bring you up to date on the I/A investigation. Unofficially, of course." 

"Of course." Jim could feel Blair's confusion at the back of his mind. His Guide was trying to sort through everything that had happened in the past half week.   
  


* * *

Jim walked Simon to the door, where Simon promised to keep him up to date on any developments in the case. 

When Jim had closed the door behind Simon, he mentally reached out to Blair, looking for any hint that his advances would not be welcomed. 

Before Jim could knock on Blair's door, he heard Blair, clear as day. \\\You might as well come in. We're going to have to have this conversation regardless of whether or not we're in the same room.\\\ 

Jim walked into Blair's room, and sat down on the foot of his bed. He reached out to explore Blair's feelings. Blair's face had always been an open book to him, but now his feelings were also laid bare. 

When Blair felt that Jim had found what he needed, he lifted his eyes from where they had been fixed on the comforter, and looked his Sentinel in the eye. \\\So, I guess we've been dancing around this subject for far too long.\\\ 

\\\Looks like it, doesn't it?\\\ 

Jim held out his hand to his Guide. Blair gently laid his hand in Jim's, and felt the strong fingers curl protectively around his own. Blair pulled Jim to him, and gently kissed the larger man. 

\\\Where do we go from here?\\\ Jim asked tentatively. 

\\\Wherever you want, Big Guy. Upstairs maybe?\\\ Blair replied with a wicked grin.   
  


* * *

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